The wife of one of the first police officers at the scene of the Kerang train crash says she lost the man she fell in love with — her husband and father to their children.
But, instead of throwing her hands up and walking, she made a vow to the man she loves.
“Ten years ago I never thought how much it would affect my/our future,” Katrina Gibson said.
“I had no idea how much a major incident could have a flow on affect and the affect people that the only connection to the accident, was a being a family member or friend that was not at the scene.”
Mrs Gibson had three kids under three years of age and heavily pregnant with their fourth.
“It started out as a normal day…how quick things can change,” she said.
“That day I lost the man I fell in love with, my husband and father to our children.
“Even though he did not die that day, he came home, or at least his body came home.”
Mrs Gibson said they never realised how it would become part of life every day after.
“They [police officers] had no idea what they were about to see nor did they realise the consequence of being there that day,” she said.
“They did what they were trained to do, they did their job professionally, as did all other emergency service men and woman that day.
“But it didn’t prepare them for their lives after that day.”
Mrs Gibson recalled watching from home the live television coverage of the carnage and the random phone calls from an office who later arrived at the scene telling her how loved ones were coping.
“Finally, he came home,” she said.
“He walked in the door later that night exhausted, a ghost of a man.
“His only words, ‘there were children!’
“Little did I know my man was gone and that reality would take me years to finally realise and accept.”
Mrs Gibson said she woke the next day to find a “fully grown, strong” man, who had been to critical incidents before, on the floor in a foetal position rocking and crying.
“Watching our young children all pile on top of him trying to cuddle and kiss him,” she recalled.
“And him lost who knows where his soul was, sure his body was in front of me but that is all.”
Mrs Gibson questioned what to do and who to contact.
“He never came home this bad,” she said.
“My first call was police welfare, but why to this day I don’t know.
“I spoke to those who were on their way to Kerang to help, or at least try.
“I gave them an insight to what they were about to face.
“I have no idea how the other officers or others that helped that day were going. I’d hate to imagine.”
Mrs Gibson said “days turned into weeks, weeks to months and months to years”.
“Everyone has a different story to tell of their journey; this is just one of them that has not ended,” she said.
“I was lucky, or so I thought, my husband knew he needed help and got help from the start.
“But, what he didn’t know was he didn’t really benefit from it.
“He didn’t deeply and truly accept that day.”
Ten years on and now he is finally dealing with the true effects it had on him, according to Mrs Gibson.
“Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) affects everyone differently and it comes in many forms,” she said.
Mrs Gibson has learnt you can’t judge a person’s PTSD.
“Everyone has different reasons, different symptoms resulting from it,” she said.
“For me I was once his wife, the mother to his kids.
“Now I describe myself as his PTSD dog.
“Watching his physical reactions, his verbal words, tone and even reading his eyes.
“I can sense when I need to act, how to act and what to say or not say.”
Mrs Gibson she had got to a point of anxiety when in public with him.
“I am so busy watching and waiting for something to happen, that may or may not happen,” she said.
“I don’t know how to be his wife and enjoy the moment anymore.”
Mrs Gibson believed her husband had three choices with today’s memorial service — go as the police officer that attended the scene, as the mayor of Gannawarra Shire or as the victim.
She questioned how one can choose.
“He has been asked to make a speech. I am sure he will nail it as always, but no one except him will know what that speech truly means,” Mrs Gibson said.
She said part of his speech would be related to why he ran for council.
“That day made him realise how much this community meant to him and how much he wanted to give back to the community,” Mrs Gibson said.
“He felt he needed to be more than a police officer for the community, which he calls ‘his community’.”
Mrs Gibson questioned who she goes as.
Does she go as the wife of an officer, a victim or his PTSD dog?
“I must support my husband, be his PTSD dog for the day watching closely ready to pounce when he needs it,” Mrs Gibson said.
“What do I want from this day, what form of closure can I get from this day, the questions keep on coming they will not stop.
“All I can do, like I have always done, is take one day at time.
“Take the good with the bad. Some days will be minute to minute. Ride the roller-coaster of being a police officer’s wife.”
